My official launch & First blog post--ahhhhhhhhhh
I have literally wanted to do this for so long but haven't done so because I have been so nervous about it all. Nervous about putting myself out there, nervous no one would even care to follow me, nervous I would fail (i know how can you fail at blogging) but I hate it when I go to a business web page or a personal bloggers site and it hasn't been updated in years. Its a turn off for me. I love to write and have no problem "telling it like it is" so I am looking forward to using this space as a creative outlet for me to express myself and voice my opinion on things that matter to me. I plan on focusing my blog around the REAL MB. What you see is what you get. I hope that candidmb will be a place that I can grow, network, learn, & inspire.
I decided to kick off my #bloglife with a timeline of the past 5 years of my life
- May 4, 2013 Alan proposed to me at the KY derby 139 on TV.
- October 21, 2013-My Brother, Matt was diagnosed with ALS-which is a group of rare neurological diseases that mainly involve the nerve cells responsible for controlling voluntary muscle movement. Voluntary muscles produce movements like chewing, walking, and talking. The disease is progressive, meaning the symptoms get worse over time. Currently, there is no cure for ALS and no effective treatment to halt, or reverse, the progression of the disease.
- August 30,2014- Alan and I got married at Elk Creek winery in Owenton KY
- January 19th, 2015-My Dad, Mike was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer
- July 14th,2015-Alan and I found out we were pregnant
- March 23,2016 Ben was born but earlier that day my parents were at the hospital with Matt while he got a feeding tube.
- May 20,2016-Matt passed away
- December 17,2016-My Aunt Nancy passed away suddenly
- July 13,2017-My first love, My Dad passed away on his birthday.
To say the least, the last five years of my life have been pretty eventful. I have been on a constant emotional roller coaster. From giving birth and entering the best club in world: motherhood. Becoming a mom to little Benjamin has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. It can be very challenging and stressful at times but for the most part Ben has been a saving grace for our family. He came at a time when I needed him the most. From watching my strong big brother lose his ability to pick up his child, hold a fork and feed himself, drive a car, walk and so much more was absolutely heartbreaking and by far the hardest thing I have ever had to witness in my life. To watching my dad fight cancer and endure painful surgery and operations for years while still trying to remain a caregiver for his son was also depressing and devastating. Matt and my dad were both heroes in our family and inspirations to so many in the baseball community. They both put up a hard fight and never gave up and still had their Baldwin sense of humor until their last days. I am forever grateful for all of the loving memories that I will cherish forever. However, since my dad passed away our lives were totally turned upside down. We have had to suffer through so much difficult times in such a short period of time. Apparently it's a common phenomena that when the head of a family member passes the family unravels...well that sort of, kind of happened to us. Not to my immediate family (or whats left of us) anyway, but it's been extremely upsetting and confusing and most of all lonely feeling. (if you really love someone---do not turn your back on them when they need you the most--that goes for friends and family) However, my 2018 mantra is: choose the people who choose you. I have always been a people pleaser my entire life. I put other peoples feelings and needs before my own causing me to be unhappy and stressed out a lot. I am working on saying "no" (in a nice way) more often, putting myself first and showing up and being present for the people who accept me and love me for me. I do not need the approval or acceptance of anyone else. I am on a mission to do what makes my heart happy.
Most importantly I am on a mission to be the best me I can be. It is just so hard when your mental health is not at it's best. I have always suffered from anxiety and depression but mainly my issues stem from hormones and severe PMS. But when it hits me---it can really get me down--saying and doing things I shouldn't! It's so hard to see it when you're stuck in a dark tunnel and you have feelings of hopelessness, but you have to trust that things won't be like this forever. Something better is coming. It might be true that you have a long way to go before you get to where you need or want to be, but it's also really important to recognize how far you've already come. Just because you have set backs and unexpected obstacles does not mean you are not getting closer to where you want to be. You are enough and you are amazing. Just keep going!! :) OK I think that is all for today folks. Thank you so much for stopping by. Stay tuned for more exciting blog posts. <3 & good vibes, MB
