HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SHUGGS
Alan and I have been dating/living together for 8 years
Married 4 years TODAY
One PERFECT baby boy
One terrible annoying yet super cute lovable Jack Russell
We have experienced SO MUCH TRAGEDY together
Tragedy is actually what brought us together
We have had countless fights and some major blow outs over some really stupid shit
He can get on my last nerves sometimes
Marriage is NOT easy
We have also experienced A LOT of amazing trips, started numerous traditions, and made some pretty awesome, unforgettable memories together
our marriage is so much stronger because of everything we have been through and endured- we have grown and learned so much with each other over the years of lifes ups and downs
&
There is no one else in this fd up world I would rather be by my side
so
Thank you Alan Bryant for being my Best Friend, Baby Daddy and Shuggs 4 life.
I had an entire blog post typed up that I have been adding onto for a few weeks now about my thoughts and feelings towards everything I/we have experienced lately and I decided to delete it and spare everyone all the details---mainly because I just can't right now---I don't have the words or energy to express myself the way I would like to--and so I am just not going to even go there-- but I do want people to know because it makes me really REALLY sad to know how common it is and how many other couples experience the same heartache we did and never share their "loss" because in reality I think you could really use all the love and support from your friends and family you can get when going through this.
So..
Add miscarriage to the long list of other tragic life changing events Alan and I have been through recently...
When we got the news that there was "no heartbeat" I think my heart actually stopped beating.
I didn't stop crying that day. (august 13th, 2018)
Alan and I were both so devastated (and still are) We were so excited for our little family to be growing yet again.
I have been trying to keep busy since then but I am just not sure how much more sadness I can physically and emotionally handle.
I feel like I just I keep getting knocked down in life--even though I keep getting up and moving forward--because I have no other option--I still just keep failing and getting disappointed. I don't know why and I don't know what I did to deserve all this.
Put good things into the world and good things will happen right?
However, This world can be really twisted sometimes and you are left with no answers a lot.
&
All I know to do is to try & focus on the things that make me happy.
Thank you for always being by my side Alan and supporting me and picking me up and making me smile when I don't even want to because I could never have gotten through any of this without you. I love you so much--and I am so grateful that I have you and Ben in my life.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SHUGGS---Can't wait to grow old with you :)
